Mother's Day and Mental Health Triggers
Healing Parent-Child Relationships Through Virtual Therapy
Mother's Day is a celebration that fills social media with flower arrangements and brunch photos. It can also be filled with turmoil with your child, dependent on your situation. While everyone looks like their life is wonderful, it can bring complicated emotions for many mothers, especially those parenting teens and young adults.
When Love and Frustration Collide
Here is a recent example of what can transpire: Lisa found herself dreading Mother's Day. Despite loving her 17-year-old daughter Jen deeply, their relationship had become a battlefield of slammed doors and tearful arguments. What troubled Lisa most wasn't the typical teenage rebellion, but her own disproportionate reactions.
"When Jen comes home late, even just fifteen minutes, I completely spiral," Lisa confessed during our session. "I find myself saying things my mother said to me, things I swore I'd never repeat. Then I see the hurt in Jen’s eyes, and I'm consumed with guilt.”
I hear from the mother: ”Parenting shouldn't feel this overwhelming, yet here I am, exhausted and doubting myself daily. I've tried everything, but the connection with my child feels strained and fragile. Small triggers send my patience crumbling, and at night, I'm haunted by the thought that I'm not the parent my child deserves. I scroll through social media seeing these seemingly effortless mothers and wonder what secret they've discovered that I haven't. I desperately want to break this cycle, but I'm lost on where to begin."
What many parents don't realize is their own unresolved past experiences are often subliminally and silently influence their parenting reactions. The emotional triggers, the disproportionate responses, the difficulty staying present – these may be signals that earlier wounds are affecting your parent-child relationship.
This is where EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy can create profound transformation. EMDR helps mothers release the emotional burden they've been carrying. The goal isn't "perfect parenting" – it's finding your authentic path to becoming the nurturing, responsive parent you already have the capacity to be.
The Unseen Connection
What Lisa was experiencing wasn't simply poor parenting or a difficult teen phase. Her intense reactions such as racing heart, overwhelming fear, anger were all trauma responses being triggered by normal teenage behavior.
Lisa's own mother had been unpredictable and sometimes emotionally abusive. When Jen exhibited typical teenage independence, Lisa's nervous system responded as if she were again that vulnerable child facing uncertainty and potential abandonment.
Many parents, including Lisa, don’t understand why parenting feels so hard. I often hear, “I try my best, but no matter what I do, my child and I just don’t seem to connect the way I hoped we would. I get frustrated so easily, and sometimes I feel like I’m failing them. I see other parents who seem to have it all together, and I wonder: what am I doing wrong? I just want to be a better parent, but I don’t know where to start.” This is where Dr. Denise Takakjy is here to assist.
Do not think of yourself as alone - this pattern is remarkably common. Many mothers find themselves:
Reacting with disproportionate anger to minor infractions
Experiencing panic when unable to reach their teen
Feeling personally rejected by normal independence-seeking behaviors
Toggling between overcontrol and emotional shutdown
These reactions don't reflect poor parenting skills or lack of love…they’re often manifestations of unprocessed trauma.
EMDR: Breaking the Cycle
After identifying this pattern, Lisa began virtual EMDR therapy. As a mother, this approach allowed her to process those early experiences of unpredictability and fear without reliving the emotional overwhelm.
During sessions, Lisa focused on a memory of being berated by her mother while engaging in bilateral stimulation (guided eye movements). This helped her brain reprocess the traumatic memory, gradually reducing its emotional charge.
Over several sessions, something remarkable happened. When Jen was late, Lisa still felt concerned but the panic, rage, and helplessness had diminished. Lisa could now respond from her values rather than her trauma.
"Last week, Jen missed curfew by half an hour," Lisa shared recently. "Instead of exploding, I was able to calmly express my worry and listen to her explanation. We actually talked instead of fighting!”
A Different Kind of Mother's Day Gift
This Mother's Day, consider giving yourself the gift of understanding and healing. When interactions with your teen or young adult consistently trigger intense emotional reactions, it may be time to explore whether past experiences are influencing your present parenting.
Through EMDR therapy at Healing Hearts, Healthy Minds, virtual therapy, mothers across New Jersey, Delaware, and Pennsylvania are discovering freedom from these painful cycles—creating relationships with their children based on present reality rather than past wounds.